Tuesday, April 01, 2008

There is an Apple in your Windows Future: OS X Apps to Run Native in Windows

In a bold and surprising move, escaped developers sources from Cupertino Redmond have revealed an insidious plan from within the super-secret enclave of The Great Jobs. It is nefarious. It is so viral that it shatters all preconceived paradigm.

Remember that hat trick Jobs did when Apple switched to Intel? That OS X had, for years been secretly running on Intel machines? Well, Steve Jobs, Lord of All Things Apple is expected to announce a new secret sauce in Apple's ever expanding WarMachine, code-named, "Orange".

Think of Orange as "Rosetta for Windows".

This little backdoor program will allow all native OS X applications to run natively on Windows machines. Developers had been pushed to work like slaves the lavishly paid folks that they are, 24/7 for the past year to get this baby out the backdoor.

This probably isn't any surprise to Cranky Geek John C. Dvorak who back in 2006, wrote a piece, "Will Apple Adopt Windows?". He saw what no one thought possible.

What does this mean to the whole Apple-Windows universe?! Migration plans to move AppleScript to .Net is reported to have been completed as of MacWorld. XCode will replace Visual Studio as Developer's coding environment and will be using a freely available Intel C/C++ compiler. Spotlight will take over all search on Windows machines. XGrid--- that Apple magic formula to cluster all your machines ubiquitously is reportedly a welcome addition to the Windows Family of Native Apps. The Dock will be retired in favor of Windows Button and Taskbar. And Sudo will be the one command to rule all your Applications.

This is like a merger, not of two companies, which will never stand regulatory scrutiny but a merging of minds. It will be a merging of two of the world's most recognized Platforms. Gates and Jobs have been seen with wide grins on their faces, spending hours upon hours taking Photobooth snaps and iChat sessions. Even Steve Ballmer and Phil Schiller have been reported as uncharacteristically friendly towards one another, both giddy like schoolgirls. They've all seen Peter Oppenheimer's projections on this little project. Both companies are expected to gain billions and billions of dollars from massive and perpetual licensing and royalty agreements.

Sadly, a downside of all this is the reported whipping verbal reprimanding of escaped developers sources from Apple's and Microsoft's ultra-secret concentration camps, better hidden than CIA detention centers comfortable campuses.

Folks, this isn't like 1984. This is bigger than that! If this new world redefining paradigm isn't enough, as Bill Gates is set to step out of Microsoft's campus, he is reportedly handing over Strategic Planning to his long time friend, Steve Jobs. Steve B., will run day to day, Steve J. will take over Strategy. As today, April 1st is Apple's Anniversary, expect the world to go crazy once Bill Gates and Steve Jobs announce this New World Order later in the day as part of Apple's Anniversary surprise.

Updated: Happy April Fools!